Unraveling Layers of Visibility

It’s funny how I used to think writing a blog was less exposing than making a video.  And now I feel like making a video is less exposing than writing a blog!  That seems utterly paradoxical, but the truth is- it’s all visibility!  Writing a blog ‘exposes’ my truth, my values, my thoughts, my feelings…

I’ve had issues with ‘exposing’ myself in front of other people – like a special group of fellow students that I was learning with over a 10+ year period.  I found this terrifying for years, but forced myself to do it as it was a safe place.  Yet we’re only as safe as we feel inside and I came to realize that though it had been an incredibly expanding learning experience all those years, I came to a point in my growth where I uncovered the trauma I was ‘muscling’ through and I couldn’t push myself anymore and had to take a break.

This actually took a lot of courage as I had been with this group for a long period of time and it felt like defeat and cowardice to step away.  A part of me felt like I had regressed. Whereas another part of me felt like I was finally listening to a part of me that had been screaming to be heard and cared for.

I share all of this to compassionately say how complex and multi-layered and multi-dimensional visibility is.  Visibility means vulnerability and that requires courage and safety.  And I have come to respect and value that we go through phases and highs and lows of being able to be visible.  I know after being very visible during a launch, I tend to crash and retreat into my safe cave.  It’s like my visibility boundaries get stretched like a rubber band way, way out there and then they rebound way, way back for a while.

I truly am working on how to prevent this extreme cycle, so that I don’t have to crash so hard.  I never hide out completely– luckily.  I keep certain channels of visibility open, like posting on Facebook, making some videos etc… but my Klout score, for example, goes way down and that’s fascinating to have my visibility cycle exposed so concretely to me.

Have you checked out Klout?  It measures your social media presence and though I don’t get too hung up about it, it is an interesting tool to let you know how visible you are on social media.

For example, when I was launching my “Authentically Glamorous on Video” group program, last December, my Klout score peaked at 67.29 – the day after my  Google Hangout.  Fascinating!  But, makes total sense!  I was building and building my social presence to get people to come to the Google Hangout and so my Klout score peaked the day after as there was a lot of activity afterward.

However, what I really don’t like about my visibility crashes are the low self esteem crashes and those don’t get accurately reflected on Klout.  Those are more debilitating than my Klout score going down.  That’s what I’m really working on- to prevent extreme low self-esteem crashes.  They are painful and affect my relationships, my ability to attract clients, my eating habits, my health, my joy– you name it!  Can you relate?

So, I’m starting to see that my visibility cycle resembles my push- collapse cycle.  During these launches I push myself really hard and so the combo of being really out there and all the pushing to make it happen is what makes the crash so hard.  So it’s both visibility and my energy reserves that are tanking.

I’ve been learning how to not push so much, but these launches can be intense!  I’m coming to realize that there are less intense ways to get my message out and attract clients.  I’ve been exploring new avenues- like emailing my list or posting on Facebook.  I’m enjoying exploring these new methods.  Some people call this a more feminine approach when you don’t push so hard.

Do you notice your own visibility cycles and what activities push them over the edge?  Are you tracking how hard you are pushing yourself?  And how does your self-esteem respond to all of this?

I’d love to hear more about this in the comments below.  Isn’t it all fascinating?  Maybe we can all help each other to keep expanding our visibility incrementally, sustainably and more enjoyably!